Lately, however, I realized that my current life rhythms have a crucial impact on my creative free time – not as much in terms of quantity, that I already know would not be a big problem (I finished the first draft for PoB around the end of my phd!), but most of all in terms of quality. In other words, I spend my days itching and waiting for the time when I’ll get down to write, and when I finally can do it… I’m dead tired and crash into bed in around half a hour. Yes, I do manage to use the dead times of the day for a little brainstorming or plotting, and to get a little of the revision done each day, but efficiency and concentration definitely aren’t at their best.

This brought me to think upon the other half of my fears, perhaps the most important one: the reason to keep on writing. What do writing and creating really mean to me? What do I really want to do with this part of my life? I realize that with these life rhythms I can’t really afford to make the jump into professional writing, at least not in the near future.

I was discussing this by e-mail with Christian, a dear friend and old writing buddy, when suddenly the answer came to me like an epiphany. Suddenly I realized that even if I never became a professional writer… all in all, I don’t really care about this. Sure, turning writing into a career would be an amazing satisfaction for me, but right now I have another job, a career that’s just as important for me. And most of all, this is not the reason why I write. I write because I love writing, and because I want to find someone to share my writing with: this is the reason why this website even exists, regardless of whether my readers are just my closest friends, a small niche or a huge audience. This is what makes me a writer, amateur or not.

I realized that this is my way, and I remembered once more that the only thing that can slow me down or make a change, it’s me.

So don’t worry – or don’t sigh with relief, depending on the point of view. You haven’t got rid of me yet. Whether I turn writing into a career or not, what matters the most to me is living it out as a passion. DasteRoad.com is here to stay, with a renewed spirit and energy.

Up to you, now. If you’ve stopped running away, did you find your way once more?